Not real sure...

New to writing a blog is an understatement. I am new to writing,typing,or even talking my feelings out. Who was it that said doing this might make you feel better,and well I am open to whatever may help my troubled mind. Many may want to know what does Leaves on my tummy mean,well the truth is, it just popped in my head just as everything does these days. Please don't comment on my lack of knowledge in the punctuation area, I know I am terrible.
  I am going to start out by telling you my mother passed away December 27,2010 from a very long and courageous battle with cancer. ( I just took 10 minutes pondering in my head if cancer deserved to be capitalized or not) Before you look away this blog is not about her dying and not even her fight to survive,it is so much more than that. I have had loved ones pass away that I was very close to,my Father passed away when I was 9. My Great-Grandfather was my heart, so I thought. These hurt very badly and as always time took it's course and the pain was much easier to cope with. What happened when my mother passed away was my shimmy and sway in between the good and the dark.
   I may think my pain is so much worse than someone else's and that's because it is,to me. Everyone copes so differently than you. A friend of mine lost her cousin 2 days after my mom passed,and I held her on my shoulder as she cried like a baby. My only thoughts the entire time was,your cousin? Well my mom just passed away and your crying over your cousin to me? How dare her? Yea well of course none of this was out loud. Later thinking back on it I thought,how could you have had those thoughts,she was in pain too,and in her eyes her pain was much worse than yours. In my eyes my pain was worse than hers,so you never know the pain one person is really feeling. Do you get what I am trying to say? Everyone copes in their own way,and what maybe easy for you to cope with may not for another individual.